(This blog is unfortunately not for profit, but the upside of that is that I can show all these copyrighted images without lawyers coming over to break my fingers in the middle of the night. I’m still pretty sure it’s very illegal, however. But this is the internet, so everything’s illegal. And at the same time it’s OK.
I don’t own anything.)
It is common knowledge that humanity reached it’s culinary magnum opus when they figured out how to mash bodies of chicken together into a paste and shape them into nuggets to sell to the masses. This way they can cheaply sell products that can only barely be legally called meat and make a massive profit off of unsuspecting four year old’s. It’s a genius marketing strategy, yet strangely some fast food chains just won’t get the message. I’m looking at you Chick Fil-A!!!
I mean seriously, who wants to eat real chicken when I can get a 20 piece McNugget for $5?
With this incredible technology, we finally had the power to shape our chicken into any form we wanted. It was like being God. So, what shapes did we decide to make first?
Popular cartoon characters?
Yeah, we made them into dinosaur! Why? Because dinosaurs are AWESOME THAT’S WHY!!!!!1
Unfortunately, dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets reflect negatively on the scientific image of dinosaurs, as they still seem to portray outdated stereotypes associated with these magnificent beasts. For example, the tyrannosaurs seem to always be shown in an upright position, contrary to newer evidence that the T. rex actually held it’s body horizontally. The stegosaurs are also always shown with their tails lowered to the ground, but it is a major no no to portray any dinosaur dragging it’s tail. There also seems to be very little variety in species in these nuggets, which upsets me quite a bit I must say. I would love to see more variety in the kinds of dinosaurs portrayed in our pop culture, and I think it should start with our chicken nuggets. That being said, the shapes are so generic and distorted I can pretend they’re whatever species I want.
That’s not a Stegosaurus, Brontosaurus, T. rex, Pteranodon and Triceratops. That’s a Tuojiangosaurus, a Europasaurus, a Sinraptor, a Dsungaripterus, and a Bagaceratops.
On a different note, probably the greatest thing about dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets is probably something the manufacturers didn’t even consider, and if they did consider it I would have a new respect for the food industry.
Chicken nuggets are made of chicken (mostly).
Chickens are birds.
Birds are dinosaurs.
You know what that means?
When you eat dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets, you are actually eating dinosaurs.
What is more, the Tyrannosaurus is the direct ancestor of the chicken according to several Youtube fact lists (no, T. rex didn’t go extinct at the end of the Cretaceous negating any chance of descendants, nor did birds appear in the fossil record before Tyrannosaurus).
Yep, this is totally how it happened.
So not only are we eating dinosaurs shaped like dinosaurs, we are eating the descendant of the greatest land predator the world has ever seen. Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?! We must spread the news!!!!
Um, writing a review?
Dude, calm down. It’s for April Fools.
Well, that makes it more of a surprise. People would expect something like this on the 1st, but putting it out a few days earlier makes it that much more unexpected. Besides, it could be April Fools when my followers finally get around to reading it. Someone could come across this post on September 22nd. People could be reading this April Fools of 2034. You don’t know!!
You should be.
Anyway, let’s get back to….ohhhh….kind of ruined the joke huh?
Oh well, it wasn’t a very good one.
Dinosaur Guy is out! Peace!