When Dinosaurs Ruled The Mind #25: Walking With Dinosaurs 3D

(This blog is not for profit. All copyrighted images belong to their respective owners and are used for review. New to the blog? Start on the introduction.)

https://whendinosaursruledthemind.wordpress.com/2014/08/18/introduction-remember-dinosaurs-theyre-different-now/

So, you’re really going to make me do this?

Yep.

Yep.

OK, humor me. Just please answer this one question.

Why?

Why do you want me to review this movie so badly? What do you possibly have to gain? And what does Mr. Conductor have to do with this?!

Quiet maggot!

Quiet maggot!

You’ve perverted an innocent creation! It’s like giving Winnie the Pooh a gun!

I'm with DG! What is it that you wan't?

I’m with DG! What is it that you wan’t?

Ah, Philosoraptor. How are things doing traitor.

Ah, Philosoraptor. How are things doing traitor.

Better now I've left you.

Better now I’ve left you. No one deserves to go through this torment.

But he must. he promised remember? It was in the WWD mini-series review.

But he must. he promised remember? It was in the WWD mini-series review.

I said I’d get to it eventually. I wanted to do the other Walking With entries first. I haven’t even done Chased By Dinosaurs, or Walking With Monsters, and I still want to do that arena show as well! This can wait!

But how long would you put it off? You know you would have to do it eventually.

But how long would you put it off? You know you would have to do it eventually.

Well, yeah, eventually, but what does that have to do with anything.

Maybe I can explain a few things.

Maybe I can explain a few things.

Um….

Cynodont and I first started following you to make sure that your blogs never got too preachy, biased, or cluttered. I've since warmed up to you, obviously, but I think Cynodont still has some problems with you. Perhaps making you review this movie is him trying to make a point about your review style.

Cynodont and I first started following you to make sure that your blogs never got too preachy, biased, or cluttered. I’ve since warmed up to you, obviously, but I think Cynodont still has some problems with you. Perhaps making you review this movie is him trying to make a point about your review style.

Well Cynodont, is this true?

Yes. You're a horrible reviewer, probably the worst I've ever seen.

Yes. You’re a horrible reviewer, probably the worst I’ve ever seen.

Woah, that’s a little harsh, don’t you think? I mean, I know I’m pretty sub par, but…

DG, like I said me and Cynodont were sent hear to monitor your reviews and help make them better. It wasn't just us though. Melodramatic T. Rex, Alan Grant, Science, even Needy Metriacanthosaurus, we were all sent here to help you. But I and Cynodont had problems with your style. I've since gotten over it, although i still try to help where I can. But Cynodont can't let it go for some reason.

DG, like I said, me and Cynodont were sent here to monitor your reviews and help make them better. It wasn’t just us though. Melodramatic T. Rex, Alan Grant, Science, even Needy Metriacanthosaurus, we were all sent here to help you. But I and Cynodont had problems with your style. I’ve since gotten over it, although I still try to help where I can. But Cynodont can’t let it go for some reason.

How could you let it go!? Look at him! He doesn't know what he's talking about! He's not an expert, he's an amature with a search engine. He doesn't site sources, include references, credit artists. And his writing style is so jumbled. He jumps from topic to topic with little to no warning. He's pathetic.!

How could you let it go!? Look at him! He doesn’t know what he’s talking about! He’s not an expert, he’s an amature with a search engine. He doesn’t site sources, include references, credit artists. And his writing style is so jumbled. He jumps from topic to topic with little to no warning. He’s pathetic.!

0_0

OK, so maybe he can do better. none of us are perfect. But what is forcing him to review this filth going to accomplish?

OK, so maybe he can do better. none of us are perfect. But what is forcing him to review this filth going to accomplish?

I want to show him where he's heading. There is only so much you can continue to say about dinosaurs in the media. 'Oh, this is wrong! Oh, this is right!' He's eventually going to have to continue to review filth like this, and in his current format that's going to be increasingly hard to do. how many times can you say 'this dinosaur should be feathered' or 'this dinosaur didn't live in the Cretaceous' before it becomes old and boring?

I want to show him where he’s heading. There is only so much you can continue to say about dinosaurs in the media. ‘Oh, this is wrong! Oh, this is right!’ He’s eventually going to have to continue to review filth like this, and in his current format that’s going to be increasingly hard to do. how many times can you say ‘this dinosaur should be feathered’ or ‘this dinosaur didn’t live in the Cretaceous’ before it becomes old and boring?

Hey! There is still plenty of things I can look at. There is no shortage of dinosaur related media and art to look at, not to mention discoveries being made everyday! Look, I know I’m just an enthusiast. No, I’m not a paleontologist, I’m just a college kid who likes dinosaurs and finds validation in a couple of people reading my stuff. And yes, paleontology is changing so much these days I’m having a hard time making sure the information I use here is correct and not from the first crackpot pseudo-science article I find on the internet. But I a still have a lot I can talk about, and I’m not giving up that easily. I’ll keep doing this, even if I have to review toyetic TMNT ripoffs like Dinosaucers or Extreme Dinosaurs, even if i have to review terrible SciFi Original Movies like Raptor Island or Pterodactyl. I won’t stop even if I have to review those 50’s B-movies that put horns and fins on an iguana and call it a Brontosaurus!

I imagine those reviews being either really short or really long. And angry. 

THIS MOVIE WILL NOT BREAK ME!!!

That's where you're wrong, fella. For I have brought a special friend straight from the late Cretaceous to make sure this film teaches you.

That’s where you’re wrong, fella. For I have brought a special friend straight from the late Cretaceous to make sure this film teaches you.

Hola amigo! 

Oh no, that voice! It can’t be. NO, its……

JOHN LEGUIZAMO!!!!!

Um, no. It's me, Alex. From the movie?

Um, no. It’s me, Alex. From the movie?

Oh, OK, you just sound like a certain actor whose voice director wanted to offend a myriad of Hispanics.

Would you prefer me with a lisp?

Would you prefer me with a lisp?

Oh no no no! You’re good. So, what, you’re supposed to be some sort of bird or something.

Well, yeah. My scientific name is Alexornis. Get it? Alex, Alexornis? Jah jah jah, OK.

Well, yeah. My scientific name is Alexornis. Get it? Alex, Alexornis? Jah jah jah, OK.

Bless my scales and feathers! You don't know him. didn't you see the movie?

Bless my scales and feathers! You don’t know him. didn’t you see the movie?

Um, no. you’re forcing me to see this, remember? *nudge,nudge*

Forget that in story crap! You're going to review this movie and you haven't even seen it?

Forget that in-story crap! You’re going to review this movie and you haven’t even seen it?

I saw the Blockbuster Buster review.

http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/teamt/blockbuster-buster/blockbuster-buster/45424-walking-with-dinosaurs-

You see, it's this kind of lack of preparation that makes his blog suck!

You see, it’s this kind of lack of preparation that makes his blog suck!

Hey, I wasn’t going to spend money on this crap! Most of the things I’ve reviewed here I own, could find online, can do research on, or remember fondly. Why do you think I’ve been holding this thing off?

 

Oh, so that's why there are so many mistakes in the WWD mini-series review. Did you just 'fondly remember' that one too?

Oh, so that’s why there are so many mistakes in the WWD mini-series review. Did you just ‘fondly remember’ that one too?

You're not helping your case here, DG...

You’re not helping your case here, DG…

Guys, lay off.

Dinosaur Comics Turok Tyrannosaurus Rex close-up dinosaurs

I DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS ONGOING STORY CRAP! I CAME HERE FOR THE REVIEW! GET ON WITH IT!!

OK, OK! Jesus!

I remember when I first heard they were making a theatrical Walking With Dinosaurs. At first I thought they were going to re-release the mini-series on the big screen, with perhaps some updated science and special effects or something. But then I heard it was an original story, and I was kind of excited. There hasn’t been a good big budget dinosaur movie in a long time, and with it being WWD there is a good chance we can see some actual scientifically accurate recreations on the big screen. I was certainly looking forward to it.

Then the first trailer came out, and it looked pretty good. It seemed very much like the original show, with a narrator explaining the science behind everything but for the most part letting the visuals tell the story. Then the second trailer came out, and something has changed.

And its name is Justin Long.

MV5BMjIwNTEwODY4NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMzg0ODMwMjE@._V1_UY317_CR15,0,214,317_AL_.jpg

The scenes that once sported a narrator were replaced by Justin Long talking over the actions of a baby Pachyrhinosaurus. In the first person.

Justin Long was voicing the dinosaur.

Sorry, I’m going a little meme crazy here. I’ll stop. For now.

Well, anyway, my biggest fear was realized. To appease to a wider audience, they added voices to the movie. But even then, I kept my hopes up. I remembered the animated film Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. That is one of my favorite movies. It has a wild stallion with Matt Damon voicing the thoughts of this creature from time to time, but only when it was most necessary. Most of the story is told through the animation, but enough exposition was provided through Matt’s inclusion that it didn’t alienate audiences. I thought that was the perfect mix of this sort of thing, and this WWD trailer kind of looked like it would go that direction. So I continued to hope.

Then I saw the last trailer.

And the TV spots.

And the movie clips.

They’re no longer taking this movie seriously.

The voices don’t add anything, they don’t make things easier to understand. They are there to make unfunny jokes and pander to the audience like they can’t be entertained unless some wacky voice is saying something funny. It’s insulting to anyone older who was even remotely interested in this movie with an IQ above Barney. The studio added the voices because they were afraid a silent movie would alienate an audience. I’m sorry FOX, but by adding voices you alienated probably the best audience you had going for this movie: actual dinosaur fans.

But, this blog isn’t about how good the movie was. It’s about how good the dinosaurs were. And this movie better be pretty freaking grateful for that.

The movie revolves around a herd of Pachyrhinosaurs in the Late Cretaceous in what is now Alaska. First off, I’m glad to see a mainstream movie depict dinosaurs in an environment other than steamy jungle or tropical plain. Dinosaurs inhabited a wide variety of habitats, especially in the Cretaceous. In fact, we see dinosaurs in snow, which is very rare in dinosaur media.

 If I had one complaint about this environment, however, it’s that the film was shot in modern-day Alaska, which looks very different now than it did in the late Cretaceous. For one thing, their wouldn’t have been as many mountains, for the actions that would create the great mountain ranges of North America were only just starting to take effect. Any mountains would be much smaller and not as numerous.

The film focuses on a herd of Pachyrhinosaurus’, a ceratopsian dinosaur related to Triceratops. I’m glad that the movie decides to use a lesser known dinosaur to headline its film, and Pachyrhinosaurus is a fine choice. The character we follow is Patchi, who is born a runt but grows into a leader.

Pachyrhinosaurus is one of those tricky dinosaurs to depict, because there is some debate over how it may have looked. Some scientists for a while believed that the bone mass on a Pachyrhinosaurus’ head was actually base for a keratin horn, and I admit I was a supporter of the hypothesis too.

More recent research however suggests that the bump was covered in a keratin sheet and was similar to that of a musk ox, meaning the rhino-like nose horn is improbable.

There are also some pretty radical depictions of this dinosaur covered in feathers to survive the winter conditions. Although there is no direct evidence of this, I’m certainly a fan of this look. However, this kind of look has only gained popularity within the last year or so, and this film was in production a bit before large dinosaurs and ornithischians were found with feathers. But if I were making this movie, I know these guys would be fluffy.However, besides that, they’re mostly fine.

 Another major character in this film is…ugh.

Alex the Alexornis.

Hola! It's me again!

Hola! It’s me again!

Why, hello Alex. I’m really glad you’re here.

Well of course you are-wait, really?

Well of course you are-wait, really?

Why, yes. I’m hoping you can answer a few questions.

I'll do my best, Señor.

I’ll do my best, Señor.

What is an Alexornis, a bird found in Mexico, doing in a film that takes place in Alaska?

Well, that's easy to explain. I..um...you see..dios mio...I flew?

Well, that’s easy to explain. I..um…you see..dios mio…I flew?

Does that mean a Macaw can fly all the way from Mexico to Alaska?

Well, the world was different back then. It would have been an easier trip.

Well, the world was different back then. It would have been an easier trip.

Right. So, why couldn’t they have just used some other enantiornithine bird?

I think you know why.

I think you know why.

Yep. It’s probably because they couldn’t resist the allure of naming an Alexornis in a kids film Alex. Hip hip hooray. You know, it would have been funnier if they named you Bob or something.

I know, I know. Everything about me is fake. Even this accent is fake. I don't even know Spanish.

I know, I know. Everything about me is fake. Even this accent is fake. I don’t even know Spanish.

You don’t?

Of course not, you dolt! I speak bird!

Of course not, you dolt! I speak bird!

Oh, well I guess that makes sense.

In any case, even though Alexornis may be misplaced in terms of environment, at least the film shows that birds were a common creature in the time of dinosaurs, which is still something the public seems to forget. We do get plenty of feathered dinosaurs in this film as well; for example, Troodon

Hey! Mr. Conductor! What do you think of this guy?

What are you trying to say, mister?

What are you trying to say, mister?

Nothing, just think it would be good to consult the scientific accuracy of a kind of dinosaur by asking a member of that kind of dinosaur itself.

Go ask your buddy, Science.

Go ask your buddy, Science.

What's his problem?

What’s his problem?

Probably jealous he doesn’t have a nice, warm coat of feathers.

It's OK, Conductor. Maybe when you're more accurate they will grown in.

It’s OK, Conductor. Maybe when you’re more accurate they will grown in.

Silence, fools! Do not disrespect me! I've mastered a power beyond you're feeble imaginations!

Silence, fools! Do not disrespect me! I’ve mastered a power beyond you’re feeble imaginations!

I'm sure you have. Do the magic sparkles aid you're vehicle's efficiency?

I’m sure you have. Do the magic sparkles aid you’re vehicle’s efficiency?

SHUT UP!!!

SHUT UP!!!

Anyway, let’s continue talking about the films depiction of Troodon. I have to say, it’s one of the better feathered dinosaurs I’ve seen in a mainstream project. It has actual wings with primary feathers, which is always a good sign. Not only that, but the feathers actually attach to the second finger, which is something so many depictions get wrong!

I also love the color design, which is based on a kind of bird called a hoatzin.

If I had a single problem with it, though, it would be the face.

It’s not only that they gave him cartoonishly big eyes, although that is a problem…

Yes, I know Troodon had big eyes, but why does he have to make these faces?

…it’s also the fact that it still looks too reptilian. It’s generally accepted that the feathers on a raptor go all the way to the snout, like a bird’s feathers stop on the beak.

Acheroraptor_reconstruction

Like so.

Whenever I see the full head scaly it just reminds me of those restorations that just look like a Jurassic Park raptor with some feathers glued on (and I already ranted about that on a post). Despite that, this is probably the best feathered dinosaur I’ve seen in a film to date, which is major props.

Feel better, Mr. Conductor?

SHUT UP!!!

SHUT UP!!!

I still don’t see what you get from all this. Why do you hate me? Why are you working with Cynodont? I know you’re a good guy, but…

DG, that's enough. Continue the review.

DG, that’s enough. Continue the review.

Fine.

We also get several other feathered dinosaurs, including the raptor Hesperonychus.

It’s refreshing to see such a little known dinosaur to be chosen for this piece, especially since the more famous Dromaeosaurus would have been just as applicable.

We also get the oviraptorsaur Chirostenotes.

I guess he’s OK. The feathers are good, it’s just that I can’t say too much about this guy’s appearance because we really don’t have much to go by.

There is a lot of cassowary inspiration in the look, which is something I see in a lot of oviraptorsaurs. I don’t blame them, because a cassowary is basically a living dinosaur anyway.

GRRR.

There are a couple of dinosaurs I am sadden to not see feathered. One is Parksosaurus.

I know this film came out before some recent discoveries, but I would have hoped the film makers would have foresighted such a thing. Yes, I know a feathered dinosaur that isn’t a theropod is a very new idea, but I’ve already gotten used to seeing guys like this fuzzy. I get the same feeling from this as I get from seeing naked raptors.

You guessed it. Plucked chicken.

I know this guy only makes cameo appearances, but I just see a missed opportunity. The nail on the coffin for me, however, are those iguana-like spines on the neck. Those bug me the same way they would on a raptor.

Oh God, I think I’m going to puke. 

Call me a radical, but feathered ornithopods are the way of the future!

On that note, let’s bring up another dinosaur that is sorely lacking feathers, Gorgosaurus.

Now, I know that the film makers actually considered putting feathers on this guy, but decided against it because there wasn’t any direct evidence for it. Then Yutyrannus showed up.

I'm in the fossil record, blowing you're mind.

I’m in the fossil record, blowing your mind.

We finally had our proof that large carnivorous dinosaurs had feathers. But it was too late for the movie to do anything about that. So we have naked Rexes (I do realize I might attract some interesting Google searches with all this talk of naked dinosaurs).

And may I point out also that the DTV movie March of the Dinosaurs (made by the same people who did the original WWD series, while this film was made by a separate team) had feathered Gorgosaurus’ in 2011, even though Yutyrannus was discovered in 2012.

I was a feathered tyrannosaur before it was cool.

Thanks for the insight, Philosoraptor.

That's not me! I express my thoughts in caption boxes.

That’s not me! I express my thoughts in caption boxes.

Other than the feathers, Gorogsaurus looks pretty much OK. But I still see a missed opportunity for the first fully feathered tyrannosaur in a mainstream film. That would have rocked some boots! Or not since this movie bombed.

OK, let’s move on to some of the herbivores in this movie. We get a small appearance of an Edmontonia, even though the film just identifies it as an ‘ankylosaur’.

I’m guessing Edmontonia was too hard to pronounce.

We also get another Ed…

Um…no.

I’m talking about Edmontosaurus.

They seem pretty good as well, but unfortunately, something kind of big was discovered around the time of this film’s release date.

'Sup.

‘Sup.

Yep, it was discovered that Edmontosaurus actually had a fleshy crest.

Good to see you again, Ed.

Feels good to be back. Sorry about all this crazy stuff goin' on.

Feels good to be back. Sorry about all this crazy stuff goin’ on.

Don’t worry about it. Just keep flashing that gorgeous comb of yours.

You know, unless it’s proven you really didn’t have it.

Yeah, let's hope.

Yeah, let’s hope.

The last creature we need to talk about is Quetzalcoatlus.

Now, the first thing that comes to mind is the size of the head, which is way too small. The head size of any large azhdarchid would be immediately obvious.

As for the wing structure, I’m not going to comment on that. There are too many alternate theories over how the wing structure on large pterosaurs worked. I’m not smart enough to differentiate the accepted theories from the hog wash. You know how bad I am? I used to go to The Pterosaur Heresies for my information.

His theories are…controversial to say the least.

In fact, some scientists are even going as far to say that the largest pterosaurs like Quetzalcoatlus wouldn’t even be capable of flight, but would instead spend their entire time on the ground, walking on all fours.

Now that would be interesting.

OK, I’m done. Can I go now?

That's it?

That’s it?

Yep. No more dinosaurs.

But, no. This movie is terrible. You should be in a comatose state drowning in a pool of your saliva! How did you survive?!

But, no. This movie is terrible. You should be in a comatose state drowning in a pool of your own saliva! How did you survive?!

Well, I didn’t really review the movie. I only looked at the dinosaurs.

Hmm, I think he should review the movie.

Hmm, I think he should review the movie.

I second that notion. His punishment must be more severe.

I second that notion. His punishment must be more severe. You must watch it!!

It’s so weird hearing that from such a jolly voice.

OH MY GOD!!! IT’S SO TERRIBLE!!! WHY DOES THIS EXIST!!!!!!!

No, he reviewed the movie. That's all you asked. Leave him alone.

No, he reviewed the movie. That’s all you asked. Leave him alone.

But he hasn't proved anything! He didn't suffer. I'm not letting him go so easy!

But he hasn’t proved anything! He didn’t suffer. I’m not letting him go so easy!

All he's done is proven are points for us. Why are you protecting someone so unprofessional?

All he’s done is proven are points for us. Why are you protecting someone so unprofessional?

Because he needs us. We'll protect him no matter what. Right guys!?

Because he needs us. We’ll protect him no matter what. Right guys!?

Yeah!

Yeah!

Darn right!

Darn right!

Here here!

Here here!

ROAR!!

ROAR!!

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Oh my god! All the voices in my head! You’re really here to protect me?

Of course we are! Without us you're reviews would suck.

Of course we are! Without us you’re reviews would suck.

?

Well, we do help keep a certain flow in your writing. Plus we also keep your reviews from becoming dry disjointed.

Well, we do help keep a certain flow in your writing. Plus we also keep your reviews from becoming dry disjointed.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Um, OK.

Ay caramba, these guys seem serious. Maybe we should...

Ay caramba, these guys seem serious. Maybe we should…

Shut up, bird! We are not giving in to these traitors.

Shut up, bird! We are not giving in to these traitors.

That's it. It's lunch time! RAAAAARRR!!!!

That’s it. It’s lunch time! RAAAAARRR!!!!

OH GOD!!!

OH GOD!!!

Ay, what to we do?!

Ay, what to we do?!

AAALLLLL AAAAABBBBOOOOAAARRRDDDD!!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!!!

AAALLLLL AAAAABBBBOOOOAAARRRDDDD!!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!!!

CHOO CHOO!

Quick, get on!

Quick, get on!

Crap, they got away.

Wow Needy Metriacanthosaurus, that was awesome.

Wow Needy Metriacanthosaurus, that was awesome.

Yes, that was very impressive.

Yes, that was very impressive.

Gee, thanks. Does this mean I can be in Jurassic Park 4?

Gee, thanks. Does this mean I can be in Jurassic Park 4?

No.

No.

:-(

😦

Wow, thank you guys so much. You really had my back over there.

Of course we did, and we'll always be there when you need us.

Of course we did, and we’ll always be there when you need us.

I really appreciate that guys, but Cynodont had a point. Maybe it’s time I tried something a bit new for a bit, just so nothing gets stale. I’ll do a couple little reviews, although they’ll be a bit different as well, but my next big reviews are going to be something really special. I won’t tell you what I have planned yet, but I’ll give you guys a hint: it’ll be both something new but something familiar.

So, final thoughts on the film?

So, final thoughts on the film?

Oh yes.

I feel this movie was a huge wasted opportunity. It has some beautiful animation and cinematography, as long as some pretty good science (too bad pretty much all of it became outdated during the films production). It could have attracted dinosaur geeks like me by the droves, but the studio’s efforts to appeal to a bigger audience doomed it in the end. There is just no getting around those voices. They aren’t subtle, they aren’t funny, and they don’t move the story forward. They step everything back, and I have a feeling everyone who worked on the film agrees. Heck, maybe FOX agrees since it was such a big failure. However, the dinosaurs are still awesome, and they are some of the best looking dinosaurs I’ve seen in a Hollywood movie ever. On a score of accurateness, I give this movie a solid…

9 out of 10.

You know, if it were 2010.

Elsewhere, in a big wibbly wobbly timey wimey ball….thing.

Somewhere in there.

I can't believe we ran! We looked like such cowards. Mr. Conductor, we need to move on to our next plan of attack.

I can’t believe we ran! We looked like such cowards. Mr. Conductor, we need to move on to our next plan of attack.

But, Cynodont....

But, Cynodont….

Don't question me, saurian! Need I remind you that it is I that granted you your time traveling abilities in the first place. Now help me now, or else you'll never see you're loved ones again!

Don’t question me, saurian! Need I remind you that it is I that granted you your time traveling abilities in the first place. Now help me now, or else you’ll never see you’re loved ones again!

I'm OK son, just relaxing while I'm frozen in the fabric of space time!

I’m OK son, just relaxing while I’m frozen in the fabric of space time!

.....OK sir.

….aye aye captain..

Join me next time as we discuss one of the most anticipated movies of next year….

Nope.

Na uh.

?

Jurassic World! It’s Jurassic World!

jurassicworldheader.jpg

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4 thoughts on “When Dinosaurs Ruled The Mind #25: Walking With Dinosaurs 3D

  1. It’s recently been announced that they’re re-releasing this movie without the voices and with narration by Benedict Cumberbatch. I know it’s being released in the UK, but I don’t know about the US. If it does come here, how great would that be?

    Like

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